MOVIE REVIEW: FAST FIVE (2011)

Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) has just broken out of prison and with his partner in crime, Brian O’Connor (Paul Walker), has run to Rio de Janeiro in Brasil to try and start a new life. Eventually they all get involved in a car robbery that went wrong and gets one of the most powerful men in Rio de Janeiro, Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida), against them. At the same time one of the toughest man hunters on the FBI’s payroll, Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson), happens to arrive in Rio to chase down Dominic and Brian. So Dominic and Brian call on all their accomplices to help them pull off one more massive job before they disappear for life and enjoy it all.

Have you managed to watch all the previous Fast & The Furious films? Do you know where all of the characters in the crew come from? Do you like looking at questionably attractive women in underwear while questionably attractive men drive cars ridiculously fast for little to no reason? If you answered yes to any of the previously mentioned questions, then you might be ready for one of the worst instalments of an action franchise to ever be made. You know that this movie is bad and all you want to do is piss your money away because you just don’t like it enough. That’s your business I’m sure, however just to confirm what you’re already too busy to admit to yourself; this movie is bad.

This film decided to work on the entire premise that we needed to take the back catalogue of Fast & The Furious characters and put them into a buddy heist film; i.e. Ocean’s 11. Now Ocean’s 11 is one of my favourite movies and to sit in the theatre and start to basically be able to figure out which F&F character was cast as Clooney, Pitt and Damon in this rip off Soderbergh’s remake is just sad.

Let’s forget how horrible a steal this movie is. Is the movie fun? Not enough. The film has fleeting moments, like when Tyrese Gibson, Chris ‘Ludacris’ Bridges or Sung Kang take the lead in a scene that the movie is fun. However, since the movie’s lead by Paul Walker and Vin Diesel, two of Hollywood’s worst actors ever, you are forced to watch two men who lack the ability to emote.

What was enjoyable was a lot of the action. Yes, I’ll give this movie that. Every so often there is a driving sequence, like the film’s climax, where basically I was enjoying myself. There’re many films whose sole purpose is to deliver wonderful action and we overlook the story, the acting or even the logic, however this movie doesn’t deliver enough action for me to overlook all of the aforementioned things. When I have to sit through multiple scenes of just watching Diesel trying to talk people into doing a job, leaving an area or not kicking ass then the movie just drops itself on its ass.

IMDB says 8.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes says 80%
I say 5.0/10

Andrew Robinson

This is my blog. There are many others like it, but this one is mine. My blog is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my blog is useless. Without my blog, I am useless. I must fire my blog true. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my blog and myself are defenders of my mind, we are the masters of our enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.