I’ve been trying to think of a way that I can return some link love for all those critics/blogs that I love to read. Since I love reading reviews of films that I’ve seen what I’ll do is each week whatever new release that I review here I will post what I think the General Consensus of the movie is by posting short snippets of many reviews here. Check it out below:
So here’s how this is going to work. Since I want to create an average score for the film (like my own blogosphere only version of RT or IMDB) I will only count reviews that have a rating. If your rating is letter graded then I will convert it using High School style grades (i.e. A = 9/10, B = 8/10, C = 7/10, D = 5/10, F = 3/10). I’ll definitely mention other, non-scaled reviews, but they won’t be calculated into the overall General Consensus.
Machete
Directed by: Robert Rodriguez
Written by: Robert Rodriguez & Alvaro Rodriguez
Starring: Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jeff Fahey, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan, Steven Segal
Reviews
I don’t know if my opinion was affected by the fact that I knew next to nothing about this film beforehand, especially any critics’ reviews of it, but I loved it. I thought it was ridiculous AND ridiculously fun, possibly the best time I’ve had at the movies this year. – Loquaciousmuse from All Things Fangirl. Grade: N/A
But hey, no one’s asking for much and everyone’s in on the joke: Marin as pot smoker, De Niro as taxi driver, Seagal as Mexican and so on… except for maybe Alba. Whereas Michelle Rodriguez owns her empowered persona, Alba aims for earnest sincerity and reinforces her status as primo eye candy above all else. – William Goss from Cinematical. Grade: N/A
Like Grindhouse, it isn’t a film for everyone. If you take any stock in the box office numbers, apparently it isn’t a movie for anyone. Sensitive stomachs need not apply, and those expecting more than a cartoon discussion of border control will be sorely disappointed. But that Machete exists at all is a minor miracle for the rest of us — that is, if you can muster any more enthusiasm for this particular, charming breed of unapologetic schlock. – Colin from FilmJunk. Grade: 7.5/10
When it’s being ironic (pretty much every time Trejo is passed as a sex symbol) Machete is fun, upbeat, and amusing. When it’s dealing with the message, Machete is short winded, and only barely manages to connect the dots. When dealing with its plot Machete just lets things happen for no particular reason and hopes for the best. – Univarn from A Life in Equinox. Grade: 6.0/10
Do you want to know how you’re in for a good time? Steven FREAKING Seagal plays a Mexican drug lord, complete with really bad spanish accent. I couldn’t help but giggle pretty much every time he opened his mouth. – Dave from ScreenGeeks. Grade: 7.5/10
From the opening scene, we know what kind of movie we’re getting into. Before the opening credits, even before Rodriguez’s signature burning Troublemaker Studios logo, we’re subjected to hails of bullets, bloodied bodies, and Machete lopping heads off with little might. The bodies in this movie seem made of soft rubber, and the lack of effort put forth by Machete to cut their heads, arms, and legs off just adds to the already thick sense of levity in the air. – Jeremy Kirk from Firstshowing. Grade: 7.5/10
Let’s just start out by giving props to Danny Trejo. He is one of the most recognized character actors in the world and he certainly deserves his time in the limelight. I can not think of any other actor that could have played the role of Machete better than he did. The movie itself was a perfect Grindhouse movie. It was funny, some of the effects and lines were purposely bad or cheesy, and there were boobs. – Melissa Howland from WAMG. Grade: 10/10
Half of the film’s appeal comes from wacky exploitative bits, but the other half is due directly to the cast. Trejo is memorable from dozens of other films, but it’s always been in supporting roles. His unforgettable face tells a story of a thousand knife fights followed by fewer than a hundred visits to the emergency room. He’s weathered and worn, and while no one will mistake his performance as one with any real degree of range he delivers lines like “Machete don’t text” with the exact deadpan required. – Rob Hunter from Film School Rejects. Grade: B- (7.5/10)
While a lot doesn’t work about Machete, there are still plenty of noteworthy moments. As just mentioned, Machete‘s bloody encounters are excellent and when it comes to the kills, it never gets repetitive. It delivers on the blood, but perhaps not on the all-out mayhem expected. Unfortunately, Machete is not the incredible piece of insanity that it could have been. – Jack Giroux from The Film Stage. Grade: 6.0/10
Rodriguez’s movie is the calculated kind, of course, and he’s walking a line trod just two weeks ago by Alexandre Aja and “Piranha”: the line between reveling in irony as you make something deliberately “bad,” and using irony as an excuse to not have to make something better. “Machete” is much more successful at finding the balance. Plenty of the characters, dialogue, and performances are interesting in their own right, even outside the context. I suspect you could get a kick out of this even if you’ve never seen the type of movie it’s emulating. – Eric D. Snider. Grade: B+(8.5/10)
I’d strongly suggest Rodriguez return to the drawing board, and examine not only his influences but his creative intuition, that probably knew this was a lazy, badly-mounted idea, but was having so much fun it didn’t care. Examine what makes El Mariachi, cobbled together with pluck and ingenuity, work like it does. Check out Sin City, and see how you can adapt a style and reference pop traditions without falling into their thrall. Although his constituency and rabid fanbase will no doubt hail this as falling into the gritty section of his portfolio, the Rodriguez films that actually come closest to resembling Machete are his passed-over, junky children’s movies; Spy Kids 3-D, Shorts, and Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Like those, this has been hastily assembled with only a fleeting idea of why it needs to be exist as its own film. – Bartleby from Movie Mobsters. Grade: 3.75/10
Rodriguez penned the script with his cousin Alvaro Rodriguez and on top of maintaining the grindhouse B-movie feel it is awash in B-movie gore and over the top situations. If you’re trying to picture what I’m talking about, just imagine where a naked girl would hide a cell phone. – Brad Brevet from Rope of Silicon. Grade: B (8.0/10)
What I did like about this movie were certain off characters including: Robert De Niro as the anti-immigrant Texan Senator, Don Johnson as Von Jackson (the Mexican hating border patrolman) and Steven Segal as Torrez (the Mexican drug lord who has his hands in everything and murdered Machete’s family in the prologue of the film). My problem with all these likes is that there all in the wrong places. – Andrew from GmanReviews. Grade: 6.5/10
Avg. Score: 7.2/10
Legend of the Guardians
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Written by: John Orloff & Emil Stern
Starring: Jim Sturgess, Ryan Kwanten, Helen Mirren, Sam Neill, Geoffrey Rush, Hugo Weaving & Anthony LaPagila
Reviews
Somewhat awesomely, this really only describes the first 40 percent or so of the story of ‘Legend of the Guardians,’ and even if all of that sounds narratively familiar, the execution is unlike almost anything you’ve ever seen before. Rather than anthropomorphizing the owls to give them more humanlike reactions or physical attributes, Snyder protectively maintains the integrity and authenticity of owl physiology – or at least 90 percent of it – and makes them beautiful, graceful, agile creatures whose only human qualities are their personalities. – Todd Gilchrist from Cinematical. Grade: N/A
What was terribly distracting and off-setting were the moments where Snyder’s touch and input were clearly compromised. Some of the comic moments felt forced, as though they HAD to be there, because kids movies have to be quirky and silly and maintain a constant level of slapstick humor. This kind of gimmick was ignored through the majority of the story, so when it did show up, it felt almost out of place. – Heather Roddy from Movie Mobsters. Grade: 6.25/10
The voice acting in the film was brilliant. I didn’t recognize one of the voices there were coming at me from these feathered night creatures. I started to the film reading off a lot of the credits which included Helen Mirren, Sam Neill, Geoffrey Rush, Hugo Weaving and Jim Sturgess and after the first half of the film was over I stopped trying to figure out which character was voiced by which actor. – Andrew from GmanReviews. Grade: 7.0/10
As a general rule, I don’t like fantasy stories about places with apostrophes in their names, or stories whose characters are called things like Ezylryb. Nothing against the genre; just not my thing. But “Owls of Ga’Hoole” is rooted in the basic elements of lively storytelling — the hero’s journey, brother vs. brother, saving one’s people — and it turns out Snyder’s trademark slow-motion close-ups of grappling warriors in mid-grapple are even cooler in computer-animated 3D, even when the actors are owls. – Eric D. Snider. Grade: B (8.0/10)
Guardians mostly works on a visual level. This is a Zack Snyder film, through and through. There’s the slow motion, the impeccable framing and a money shot every two minutes. The attention to detail is uncanny. Every little spec, from the owls themselves to the backgrounds, are animated to perfection. – Jack Giroux from The Film Stage. Grade: 7.0/10
The only truly original aspect of the film is that owls make up all of the characters, that is when bats aren’t entered into the equation late in the game. The only other animated owls I can think of are Archimedes from The Sword in the Stone and Mr. Owl who took three licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Snyder’s armor clad owls are certainly more well-equipped than those two and an impressive voice cast has been gathered to bring their words to life. – Brad Brevet from Rope of Silicon. Grade: C+ (7.5/10)
But, for all of those ludicrous elements and ridiculous plotting, what might be most strange about LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS is how unshakably entertaining it is to watch. Moreover, it’s often emotionally engaging in a way that makes you completely forget that you are watching a bunch of animated owls. – Kate Erbland from Gordon and the Whale. Grade: 5.0/10
Avg. Score: 6.8/10