Edward [Robert Pattinson] decides it is best for Bella [Kristen Stewart] that he and his family leave.  This sends Bella into a state of overall depression (which to be honest is hard to tell apart from what I assume was true happiness that she was feeling for the first fifteen to twenty minutes of the movie when Edward was around).

Now let me make myself perfectly clear I do not like Twilight, I didn’t read the books, I’m not a thirteen year old girl and I don’t think that Edward is the sexiest man alive.  I came to this movie with one purpose in mind; to laugh my ass off.  I went to the theatre with two other Twilight haters and we all had a gas (at the expense of all the real audience of course) while watching this movie.  There are so many laughable aspects to this movie it is insane.

For people who watch enough movies and know those all too easy missteps that writers and directors can make while making a film there are so many moments that are downright hilarious to see on screen.  It is hilarious that whenever you see Edward on screen you are promised that at least 80% of that screen time will be dedicated to him walking towards us in slow motion.  Half way through the movie when Jacob [Taylor Lautner] cuts his hair (in the style you see in the trailer) he never seems to wear a shirt anymore (hmmm, is this any better than all the scantily clad women in movies that pander to men? I doubt it, but at least those movies don’t make its audience a bunch of paedophiles while watching the movie).

Kristen Stewart once again shows us her complete lack of acting ability as she can never seem to find that fine line in how to differentiate between simple emotions, for example happiness and sadness.  One could even think that Ms. Stewart (the fine actress that she is) was making some form of social commentary on how Hollywood is being plagued with the horrid effects of Botox.  Something deep inside me believes that she can smile and or do something other than have a complete lack of expression on her face but she just refuses to do it (which of course is all on purpose).  I loved Adventureland, but seriously she needs to shed this persona of the girl who claims to be feeling all these feelings but at the same time her face showing nothing but complete apathy.  I found it cute in Into the Wild but I think that was helped by being a small role where you can forgive some of this (mistaken for) acting and move on with the story, but when we are forced to be dragged through the story like a baby in the mud over with this horrible a character and an actress you can’t help but laugh at it.

After being treated to, what I can only assume was, five hours worth of Bella brooding over her dead boyfriend dumping her we are before the Volturi.  In the scene when we get to meet Aro [Michael Sheen] I almost couldn’t believe that I would actually enjoy a character in the movie.  Aro showed me some really creepy tendencies and I liked it.  I wonder exactly why it is that the ladies in the theatre weren’t swooning over Mr. Sheen (who you can see was pretty shirtless in Underworld) as opposed to Mr. Pattinson and Mr. Lautner?

The direction in this movie is definitely a massive improvement from the last.  Some fans say that the film lost its style when it switched hands from Catherine Hardwicke to Chris Weitz, but what they fail to mention is that Mr. Weitz took what was a horrid story and made it competent to the non viewer.  Yes there were still some crazy things in the movie, but I didn’t ever find myself lost as to what was going on in the movie.  I also loved certain scenes where we got to play on some general teen comedy, like when Bella and Jacob went to the movies together (with some other dude who I can’t remember).  If it weren’t for some bad acting scenes like this would be shared across the world as things to do when making a teen comedy.

In the end I think it’s understood that most fans of the series loved it but as expected don’t expect to enjoy yourself when you take your girlfriend to see the movie (unless of course you’re her girlfriend that happens to be a fan).  It’s also worth noting, that as bad as this movie was, it isn’t the worst movie of the year and I’m sure if you are being objective you will probably agree with that statement (yes TF2 still stings).

IMDB says 4.5/10

Rotten Tomatoes says 30%

I say 3.0/10