I notice that most of my lists are not specific to my inherent problem that I live in Jamaica. Now most of you non Jamaican readers out there will probably be saying “what’s wrong with Jamaica? I want to live there!!” and I would agree with you for all the reasons that you would give, great weather and all. However, when one of your huge hobbies/interests is movies it becomes a hell of a place to hate. The theatres here never release anything that doesn’t have at least twenty explosions or made by Tyler Perry. So here is me letting you all the movies that I totally want to see but probably won’t due to the fact that I live in Jamaica.

Just so you know this list is no particular order.

Inglorious Basterds

As you all know by now I worship at the feet of QT. However, after how they decided not to release Grindhouse a few years back I doubt that they will be willing to test the waters with the newest film by Quentin Tarantino which by the look of the trailer looks a lot like Nazi exploitation filmmaking. I say the ratings commission will claim it’s too violent and has too many curse words for my baby ears to be listening to.

The Hurt Locker

Here is a film about soldiers in Iraq and the guy who has the dirty job of disarming bombs in the heat of combat. Now at the moment the only reason I would say that this movie would not be released here is because no one knows about it. And the people that do are the minority who read movie blogs, like me, and they definitely don’t matter in my land. This reason will be quoted a lot in this list just to let you know.

The Brothers Bloom

I’ve been looking forward to this movie for a while now. It was supposed to be released from last year in the US but got delayed till this summer. I love Rian Johnson’s first movie, Brick, which I recently got on DVD. I can’t wait to see what he churns out here with what looks like a fun con/mystery film starring Rachel Wiesz. I doubt if I asked around my university campus if anyone knew who Rian Johnson was I would get more than two positive responses.

The Hangover

Here is another funny ass looking comedy and I must say has the best chance of all the movies on this list of defying my predictions of not being released here. The movie looks just like if we took one of those crazy one night 80s films and actually hung out with the characters after the night was over and walked around with them seeing how they figured out what they did and fixing the problems.

Moon

I’ve heard from tons of other bloggers about the greatness of this film starring Sam Rockwell after it debuted at Sundance. After the trailer debuted online I started to believe in the hype and got super interested in it. I personally don’t think that any movie should be watched at home on your personal computer or a less than 30’ screen. This is why I love the theatre, it gives me the grandness of the movie and all movies are grand. This is a movie that I wish I could see on the big screen, but after so many years I know not to hold my breath.

Bruno

This one goes without saying. It is just too gay for Jamaica. I want so bad to see Sacha Baron Cohen’s newest mockumentary with his third character Bruno. However, there is no way in hell that this will be projected anywhere for me to see till a DVD comes out and then I’ll probably be the only person in the country willing to pick it up and see it.

500 Days of Summer

Ohh my love for Zooey Deschanel knows no bounds. I can’t wait to see this movie that became a huge hit at this year’s Sundance. I have become a huge fan of romantic comedies, especially Zooey romcoms. I love the light hearted fun that they are, and even though this movie seems a lot more romantic than the others I want to see it and shed a tear because I probably won’t get to.

In The Loop

Here is what looks like a great England and American clash of political comedic film starring Tom Hollander and James Gandolfini. Who can turn down a chance to hear a, what seems, politically retarded and possibly start a whole new war. I just don’t think the Office style filming isn’t that popular here and won’t be very marketable or interesting to anyone but myself.

Funny People

Even though this is a Judd Apatow movie I don’t think this will be released. I can’t remember as to whether Knocked Up was ever released in Jamaica, and if it was I’m surprised. The ultra crude comedy is very popular however once again I think this will be left at the wayside due to lack of marketing. No one knows about this movie and I don’t think that this kind of movie will get much of a marketing push before the release since Apatow has his fan base and not many outside of that fan base will be seeing this film.

Ponyo on the Cliff

Now here I get to use two reasons why it won’t be released. It’s foreign and animated. Other than the handful of anime fans out there like myself who love Miyazaki here is a movie that is flying completely under the radar. The last anime film to be released in Jamaica was Pokémon I believe and I think that will be the last unless it is an Akira Toriyama film with Dragonballs.

So this is my personal letter to all these filmmakers, especially you Tarantino, to send me some copies of your films since I probably will not be able to see your movies theatrically. Or at least feel sorry for me maybe. Either way comment and let me know what you think about the list.

PS. this is a Top Ten rather than just a list of ten movies, because I know there a ton other awesome movie that won’t be released as well.